And the cycle begins

Well, I officially began my meds a few weeks ago for the sibling transfer on Wednesday, 9/19/12.  So hard to believe that I did all of this 2 years ago.  It is actually 2 years to the actual day that my protocol is set up for.  Sydney's transfer was on a Wednesday also, on 9/22/10.  All the meds and shots are such a faint memory and seem so unrelated to the fact that I have a daughter right now.  Weird how your brain chooses to forget the difficult parts after a while. ;o)  Although, this time around it has been like riding a bicycle.  I don't have to think very hard about each step and when to do what.  I just set my phone alarm, fill out my calendar for med changes, and do it when the alarm goes off.  The Lu.pron shots are such a piece of cake this time around after having the experience of 11ish weeks of PIO under my belt (haha, pun not intended).  I admit I am not looking forward to starting those again and neither is my shot administering husband. =)  One more week until then!

Now that I am busy with Sydney this time around, I haven't had much time to pay attention to the minor side effects.  I did notice the Lupron headaches though. =P  Everything has been flying by this time around!!  I went for my first u/s check last week, and I was cleared to take the E.strace.  I couldn't believe that my calendar at the time was telling me that it was time for the trip already!  I have to travel an hour and a half one way to my nearest fertility clinic.  So I was super grateful that my husband was off work to take care of Sydney.  His work hours are set up in a way that he is always off every other Friday... He is off both Fridays I have to travel for my u/s checks!!  I love how God works out the minor details like that!  This time around I took advantage of the little trip to a bigger city and did some shopping and just took some free time that I rarely have to myself.  I missed my girl terribly, but she has an awesome Daddy that does a great job caring for her and who she adores.  I just got a huge kick out of the texts and phone calls all day from him saying how he is finally eating lunch or can't seem to get dinner made or how he had no free time and that he was "exhausted"... hee hee.  He was playing it up quite a bit for the drama aspect, but nevertheless it was nice to have him experience the other side of things. ;o)

I am getting super excited for the transfer, but I keep reminding myself that I am not guaranteed to get pregnant the first time like I was so fortunate to last time.  We only have 3 embryos left and we chose to not have any back ups at this point due to the mediation process of open adoptions.  The embryologist said, "scientifically we have a 75% chance of 2 of 3 thawing well, but she sees God's hand in the sibling transfers all the time."  We will be only transferring two like last time, but we will see what happens.  I honestly am hoping for twins this time... crazy I know.  But that would make us a family of five and I would be content with so many blessings!  Although I am just grateful to be a mother to one!  Sydney so needs a sibling to grow up with and to learn and laugh together since she is such a people person.  She has so much fun with her cousins... it is fun to watch.

For the three transfer days of traveling and resting, Sydney will be staying home with my husband's sister and boys to take care of her.  It will be the first time I will be away from my girl for more than a day and first time leaving her overnight!!  I KNOW she is in good hands, but I am nervous she will get too fussy by the second or third day.  She has started another phase of separation anxiety lately.  I didn't know you could be so attached to your children, even when you are given the opportunity to "take a break", you still wish you were back with them.  We have been getting together with her aunt and cousins often the last few weeks so that she will be so comfortable and familiar with them around.

I am also worried if I do get pregnant again, will the baby have the same digestive issues as Sydney?  Thankfully she has outgrown most of it and life is pretty normal now, but those first 8 months or so were really tough!  And she was just my only... next time around I will have a two year old to work with also.  I have so much more respect for mothers these days!  I am just about back to normal eating myself due to my crazy breastfeeding diet before messing up my internal balance.  (But that is another post I need to do.)  I don't believe that I would be able to sacrifice that much for next one!  And I hate that because I don't want to give so much to my first and short-change the next...

But one step at a time I tell myself.  God is in control, and His plan is the best.  Right now I am just praying for peace and God's will no matter the outcome of this transfer.  He has abundantly blessed me already, and I am so underserving!