Be still & Know that I am God

Reminder on my wall

I just thought I would log what I have been processing and feeling the last 5 days.  5 days? That is all it has been?  The day of and day after transfer went by pretty quickly since we were still out of town and in a different environment.  I will have to say that I have taken at least one nap a day since and still sleep at night, but I believe that is the PIO shots.  I don't plan to nap today, now that the weekend is over and life is back to normal.  Friday and Saturday were pretty full with watching my nephew and friend's little girl run in the kids' mile and then watching my husband, father in law, brother in law, and friend's husband run in the 10 mile race on Saturday.  They all finished and did well despite the unusually hot day at the end of September.  They will all now be training hard for their marathon in November.  I am so proud of them.


Okay so since I am guilty of googling symptoms for ET.  I will post a timeline I have found helpful.  I don't know how accurate it is since it is from a forum...but seems pretty realistic...although I think they have misnamed the burying baby "morula".  I know that is the stage before blastocyst.


This is what happens in a 3dt :
1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing


2dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst


3dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day


4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining


5dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining


6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining


7dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells &


fetal cells


8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood


9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops


10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops


11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT






This is what happens in a 5dt:



-1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing


0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst


1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day


2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining


3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining


4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining


5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells


6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood


7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops


8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops


9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT
 
My symptoms have been interesting and encouraging.  I have had on and off cramping just like mild menstrual cramps since the transfer.  On Friday morning, I felt very "weird".  I felt light headed and kind of yucky feeling.  On Sunday morning during church, I felt the same light headed and weakness.  But that one only lasted for about 10 minutes.  Other than that, I have felt normal.  I am wondering what is related to PIO and what is implantation.  Today, though I have only felt bloated.  No cramping anymore.  If I follow the above chart, I am 5dp5dt and the implantation should have been complete by now. =) 
 
My honest feelings during this time have been mixed.  Going into this transfer, I knew that God had led us there and had orchestrated everything (I still need to log my journey).  I felt a peace that this is going to work.  But then afterward, my doubt crept in and my need to control took over.  I have feared I was doing too much and not eating the right things.  I would constantly be prompted by God to trust Him, and I would try for the next 5 minutes. =)  I can honestly say now, that I am in a much better place.  I will be content with whatever the outcome.  I am doing much better at being still and knowing that God is God.  He can do anything.
 
I also had to order more PIO today.  We are about to start the 3rd vial, and it took a little over a week to go through two.  With one week to go, I am glad I was paying attention since I assumed we had enough from the beginning to at least make it to the beta.  7 more days until my beta on Monday, 10/4.  I guess with the 9-10 days falling the on the weekend, I will have a 12dp5dt beta.  Hoping for big numbers. =)  So, I am hoping that Eski & Mo are still with us, but know that they will be in better place if not.  ;-) 

PUPO x2

Well, we are currently pregnant with twins!  =)  First time I have been able to say with certainty that I am pregnant.  Everything went very well, I am grateful for all the prayers of everyone. 

I drank 55 oz of water not wanting my bladder to be under full.  (Thanks to the warning of others. =))  We had to wait a little bit because the embryos were still expanding.  The embryologist only had to thaw 2 of the 5 blastocysts we had.  She said that they all were frozen separately, which is definitely a plus!  They both survived!  She graded the expanding blasts as 3AB & 2AB.  She said that since they weren't completely done expanding, the ratings were not completely accurate.  But as we all know, they aren't always a good predictor of survival.

Our cuties!

I was super blessed that my bladder was perfectly full with no discomfort during the procedure.  The only discomfort was the alcohol disinfection swabs...okay it was painful...but only lasted for about 20 seconds, and the staff was good at distracting me from it.  Might I add...the staff and Dr. K are very friendly and know how to set you at ease.  Since I only felt like I had to pee with no discomfort, I decided to forgo the bedpan after the transfer was complete.  I am not too graceful and just knew I would cause a disaster.  Well, after the hour laying there, I was counting down the minutes until I was able to pee because by that time the full 55 ounces had reached my bladder.  The pain had definitley set in! 

We have just been hanging out at the hotel all day relaxing and will head home tomorrow.  My husband has a ten mile race to run on Saturday and my nephew is running in the kid's mile on Friday.  I am looking forward to a fun weekend, but hope to rest as much as possible.  I don't want to look back and regret anything.

As far as cramping, I have only felt a few twinges here and there.  Nothing major, but a constant feeling of having to pee.  I also have been battling a cold since Sunday that my husband gave me.  =(  I was worried that would be a problem, but Dr. K said just take some S.udafed or M.ucinex and everything should be fine.  I just can't help but think that every cough or sneeze will shake my babies loose. =)

Well, it is in God's hands now.  I am just relishing in the fact that I am pregnant right now.  I know God values these lives more than the sparrows.  Trusting in Him!

Awesome Hubby!

I just have to say I am so proud of my hubby!  He is has been such a trooper.  I knew he said that he would give me the PIO shots, but I wasn't sure how it would pan out.  I was thinking that he would start out giving them, and then get bored with it, leaving it up to me.  But since day 1 he has taken full responsibility and actually gets excited to do it.  I love it!  He has also been doing a great job being a detailed engineer like he is. =)  The first one was the most painful due to his inexperience, but after that he has gotten them down pat, with little to no pain.  During the injection that is...of course I am still walking around with the inevitable sore rear that feels like I have been over doing the gluteal exercises. =)  Well, yesterday he got caught up at work and didn't make it home in time for the evening shot.  So I had to get my gumption up and give it to myself.  I have to say that I did pretty well considering.  The cooler part is my husband was worried that he wouldn't have to give the shots anymore, now that I "know" that I can do it.  He admitted that he felt like he had a part in all this and was enjoying it.  Well, I informed him that I DEFINITELY prefer to have him do the shots for me.  I don't mind needles, but man, that one is a doozy.  But most of all, I do love having him join in the process. 

In an ideal world of course, I wish that he could contribute more than income and shots to result in a pregnancy and birth.  But we all have our difficulties in life, and of all the ones out there, I am thankful for this one.  It took me a while to get to this point, but I am thankful I have to depend on God for something.  I am thankful for infertility because I know that I will treasure my children more and be more vigilant at raising them well.  I am also thankful for options like EA and traditional adoption to give us hope.

Well, we will be leaving this afternoon for TN.  I am excited.  I also feel such a peace about this whole process.  I know we are doing what God chose us to do from the beginning.  These may not be our children this go around, but at least we will have had a part in releasing them to heaven.

Our appointment time was also changed to 8:45 (arrive at 8:15).  Our snowflakes will soon be melted and becoming the unique individuals that they are.  Oh I have to share...I mentioned a verse I am claiming this transfer in my previous post about how God knows when each sparrow falls, so how much more does He care for us and these babies.  My friend had sent me that verse to help alleviate my fear of the unknown....well, I have a flip calendar I use daily...guess what verse is on the Sept. 22 page?  The same verse about the sparrows!!!  God is amazing and keeps loving me in amazing ways!  Who knew my transfer date and that verse and that calendar would all coincide?  Goosebumps galore!

Well, suppose I should start getting the laundry done, the house vacuumed, clothes and meds packed, dishes away, dog exercised....since we leave in 4 hours. Eeek!

Officially Excited!

Well, today by noon, I hadn't heard from the NEDC so I thought I would call quickly when I had a minute at work.  And amazingly a nurse was free to answer the phone.  So I was told that everything was fine to continue on with the PIO shots and decrease the E.strace.  Yay!  She also knew my appointment time for Wednesday.  We are to be there at 9:00 for a 9:30 appt.  Yay!  I am glad it is early so that I don't get too anxious waiting. =)  One of my friends from our Wednesday morning church group pointed out that she doesn't think it is a coincidence that our appt. time is set for exactly when we meet every Wed. for prayer and preschool curriculum set up.  She said they will be having a prayer time especially for the snowflakes at that time.  I am so humbled and feel so inadequate for how God is moving in this process.

I also was able to contact our Be.thany mediator to see if our contract has been signed on both ends since we are 4 days away.  She said she received ours, but the donor family had theirs printed and notarized and ready to go and something was spilled on it.  So they had to get another one printed and notarized to send.  She requested them scan and email a copy of the contract and signatures to her so that she had a visual copy in case the original didn't arrive in time.  So she said that we are all set for transfer. Yay! We are officially parents to 5 frozen babies.

So I am getting very excited.  I decided that I am going to stay pretty busy this weekend so that it doesn't drag by, and I start allowing my brain to analyze everything too much.  Thus causing me some anxiety about the unknown outcome.  I am so looking forward to hearing everyone's stories of what God did and is doing in our lives...

A recent comment by a dear friend about a verse I am going to keep in mind: 
Not a sparrow falls to the ground without our Father's notice, and how much more He cares for you and for these little ones!
Matthew 10:29-30

Waiting Impaitiently

I had my ultrasound and labs this morning at 9:30.  I know it takes a few hours to get the blood draw results and then they have to fax it to TN.  But last time I received a call by 3 pm.  Today I did not receive a call yet...I left a message at 5:30 pm for the IVF coordinator just in case, so that they will remember about me tomorrow.  I am worried my "local" (1 1/2 hours away) clinic forgot to fax the results.  They have messed up the work orders in the past, so that NEDC had to send it to them multiple times...so I am wondering...but I also know that the NEDC is having a lot of transfers right now, both fresh and frozen.  (I emailed a couple days ago wondering if I should know what time my appointment was for next week.  I was told that they will call us a couple days before because the appointment time depends on the status of their fresh transfers around then.)  I just can't help but be impatient right now, I hate to admit.  On the bright side, my lining was 12 mm thick...definitely thicker than the necessary 8 mm.  (My trial lining check was 11 mm.)  The RE said no cysts were seen on my ovaries and the right ovary had 5 follicles and left had 9 follicles all 5mm or less.  I am assuming this is all good?  He of course doesn't say yay or nay because I am not his official patient.

I did have a nice time shopping around the larger city.  Didn't get anything other than the patio furniture cover I intended to get with my coupon to Pl.ow and He.arth.  Our crazy snow storms this past winter ripped the old one.  I will admit my husband warned me that the middle pole (intended to prevent puddling) would not hold 10 to 12 inches of snow piled on top of it.  But we were too lazy and cold to go out and remove it...lesson learned.

Well, I shall message everyone on Fac.ebook praying for my check today, so they are not wondering how everything went...though I am still wondering...=)

Few updates

I wanted to thank everyone for their kind comments. It is so nice to join the EA community after following lots of you guys for months now. I am praying for all our fall transfers (there are so many going on this fall!), and that God's Will will be done. That is all I want for mine.  These lives are in His hands from the beginning and He has a plan for each one.  It may be to join Him in heaven, but I wouldn't want them here if they are not supposed to be.  Hopefully, we will get to love some of those snowflakes here on earth though.

Just a few updates to catch up on.  I have been working all last week after Labor day.  So I was super busy and tired, but very grateful for the days of income to go towards the adoption costs.  I love how being a dental hygienist is super flexible so that I can just fill in whenever needed and have random days scheduled.  I have three offices that call when they need a back-up hygienist, as well as regular Fridays scheduled at one.  When we started this adoption process, I was wondering where the extra money would come from.  I knew that God would provide and that we are super blessed beyond measure any way.  But I also knew that the tax return and husband's yearly bonus would not cover all the expenses, but would get us started.  I really did not want to drain our savings, but knew it was there when we needed it.  From February to end of September I was given 48 days to work!  That was all from God, because rarely do I get called to work so much.  The summers are always busiest for me, but not that many days!  We were also blessed to receive a really nice check from my husband's parents.  They felt led to contribute even though we were not asking anyone for donations!  It is really cool to receive such a gift from them.  Not because of the money, but because to me it means they are supporting us in our adoption endeavors.  You always worry in the back of your mind that your adopted children will be treated differently from the other genetic children in the family.

We also received our fees associated with our embryos last week or so.  I was really nervous to open the envelope because I knew what it was.  My husband said to just do it, and we were pleasantly surprised.  Our embryos only had $40 and change attached for shipping fees!  Such a blessing from an amazing God!

We also received our final draft of the open agreement contract last week to print out and take to the notary to sign.  We were able to finally print it out and get to the bank on Friday afternoon to sign it.  The contract went into the mail yesterday (Saturday).  I meant to take a picture of it in the mailbox and post it, but I forgot.  Oops! =)  Now we wait to hear it is official after the donors send in their signed copy.  I am looking forward to communicating with them, because they seem like such a nice couple.

My last Lupron shot is tomorrow and I up the E.strace to three times a day.  I think I am going to miss those little needles...so easy... and I was so blessed to not get any side effects (except for the two days after my period and before I started the estrogen pills.  I had hot flashes and a little sweaty on the coolest days of the summer. =) )  I think to me I feel like I am doing something when I get those shots...so I am looking forward to experiencing those large needles now. =)  I probably won't be thinking that in a week.  Hee hee.  It has been neat also to have my husband excited about sometimes giving me the little shots...I think that way he feels more included in the process.

I have my ultrasound check on Thurday, the 16th.  I hope that goes well.  It should because I had a really good trial run building my lining with the E.strace.

It is really odd to think that my transfer will be in 10 days!  Something that you look forward to and work for for so long finally arrives...it is kind of unnerving.  That is my fear of the unknown creeping in again with my lack of control...God I surrender everything to You...again.

Double Yay!

Well, today I traveled a total of 3 hours round trip to the closest fertility specialist for my ultrasound and estradiol test.  Thankfully my best friend was able to make the trip with me so it didn't seem that long or far. =)  (Next time I will have to make the trip alone due everyone's schedules.)  I also had my first visit to Wh.ole Food.s on the way home.  It was a very neat store.  It would be nice to have one close by so that you don't have to study labels as hard for those unnecessarily added ingredients.

Okay so back the u/s visit...So, being medically minded, I love going to these things and seeing my insides. =D  The uterus did look neat seeing it without the lining--definitely completely empty!  I saw him looking at my ovaries, but there wasn't much to see there--which of course is a good thing for now.  Had a blood draw to check for estrogen done, and I was out of there in 15 minutes.  So crazy that I had to drive so long for such a short visit, but that is the way it goes. =)  TMI warning for following info: I started bleeding exactly like having a period on Tuesday night through to today.  I was really concerned because I was not warned about this.  I thought the shots were not working.  But consulting Dr. Google, I found out this was a good sign that the shots were working.  There is a surge of hormones and then everything is shut down causing the negative hormones resulting in a period.  The RE today actually said it typically arrives 10 days after starting the shots, but the 7 days like me was great.  Since I never came across this info in my research and blog reading, I thought I would add it on, in case anyone else was wondering.

I got the call about 3 hours later that everything looked great, and I can start the Estrace on Saturday.  YAY!  I also received the NON-generic Estrace in the mail today after the crazy run-around with the pharmacy and insurance with sending me the generic estrogen, estradiol.  I am out the extra co-pay and have medicine now that I can't take.  Oh well.

We heard from our open agreement mediator, and she said that the donor family has approved the contract version we approved.  YAY!  It took a week to hear from them, and I was getting nervous.  But with a quick email yesterday I checked with her, and she told me that they were unable to open the first attachment.  So she had to rework it into a .pdf, so they had only been viewing the contract for 3 days.  So now onto receiving the official copy to notarize, then the 5 babies with be officially ours. =)