Big Sister

She was cheesing it up for the camera!! I couldn't decide which one to pick… so here are all of them. =P She is a little excited about being a sister. Wink, wink!

Beta #1

Praising God from whom all blessings flow! Our beta number was 118! SOO thankful. Thank you everyone for your prayers... I am so grateful for the EA support.

We are happening to see both sides of our family tonight and tomorrow, so I have a sister shirt for Syd to wear to subtlely announce our happy news. I am excited to be present when we tell family this time since we called everyone last time. The joys of infertility and including everyone in your EA process... there is not much kept to yourself for long. But I rather have praying people than privacy. :)

Take a Look...

and interpret the results on your own. =)  Beta is Friday.

Praising God for his abundant blessings!  Trying to focus on one day at a time instead of worrying about the future...

P.S.  NO Fac.ebook comments please!  We are waiting to tell family after our beta results...  I have the hubby's approval to post this here for now. =)

7dp5dt

Well, this time around the wait has been a little different than last time.  I know exactly what pregnant "feels like" and am comparing each symptom and twinge to the last time around.  My thoughts are a little different this time though.  I remember thinking last time that my body was probably not able to get pregnant since I had never had a confirmed pregnancy much less a super late period.  This time I just keep wondering what God has in store, and look at Syd hoping she will have a sibling some day.  We were so blessed to get pregnant the first time around, so I keep reminding myself that it is not a sure thing this time.  I worry and wonder.  But then God reminds me what I have right in front of me... my beautiful, energetic daughter!  I then give her a big hug and change my attitude to gratefulness for at least the next five minutes... =P  Why is it so hard to trust God's sovereign plan?

The wait has definitely been a little easier this time with lots of distractions... a cute, clingy, whiny one. (Teething canines??)  The first few days, I felt the same post transfer cramping and twinges.  But then after that I did not feel the strong "implanting cramps" I did last time.  That is when my faith started wavering.  So then day 5 came and for some reason I felt amazing and decided it was ok whatever the outcome.  Day 6, I started to feel the noticeable fullness and bloat and slight crampiness.  I was also a little out of breath up and down steps or carrying Syd a lot, which normally doesn't happen.  Day 7, today, I have felt all of that but increased.  I told my husband I feel just like I did when I was pregnant with Syd.  I have also started the "have to empty your bladder at 5 AM" or you can't go back to sleep issue.  I could also be experiencing drug symptoms, but I can't deny what I am feeling.

At 5dp5dt I decided I was going to test this time around because I never get the opportunity to in my life (other than EA transfers) to test, and I wanted to experience the excitement of watching how soon we could possibly know!  Last time I only tested a few times randomly.  I had two expired FRER tests left over from the last transfer 2 years ago!!  They just expired this July though, so I assume they will still be valid.  I went and bought 3 dollar t.ree HPTs.  I went all out! =P

5dp5dt FRER: negative, blank
6dp5dt $ test: negative in 3 minute window stated  (VERY faint line later-- evap line??)
7dp5dt $ test: neg in 3 min (faint line a little darker later)
8dp5dt FRER: planned for Thurs. morning
9dp5dt $ test: Fri morning before beta

So with the $ test results... they compare to what I got with Sydney at 9dp5dt, a faint line after the window of readable time.  We then knew with the 10dp5dt FRER positive that we were definitely pregnant. (Our beta was 12dp5dt last time.  I am so glad we don't have to wait the weekend this time!)

So even though we are told not to test at home before our beta, it has actually been fun for me and my hubby to analyze and squint at the tests. ;o)  I am glad I decided to do it, even if we have false hope.  God is in control, and we are just along for the ride!  May His will prevail!

PUPO with twins :)

Praising God for a successful thaw and transfer! Both embryos that were thawed survived and were rated at 5AA. As we all know that means very little but gives me much hope. :) Syd resulted from two embryos rated 3AB and 2AB.

We now have one lone embryo left to return for. We are hoping it will be two years from now... ;)

The transfer was very uneventful and familiar the second time around. I managed to fill my bladder perfectly by drinking 51 oz. of water. They changed the post transfer bed wait time to 30 minutes so it was easy to forgo the bedpan.

I had a random thought which is obvious but hit me none the less. These last three snowflakes are Syd's last chance for a genetic sibling to grow up with her unlike a normal family where the parents could possibly have a child for 20+ years. Not that genetics matter a whole lot, but would be neat though.

True to our tradition we named the snowflakes this time as well. :) Since the last two were Eski & Mo, these two are Iggy & Loo. ;o) It is so amazing how you can love them so much already. Especially when you have little picture to stare at...

Feeling so blessed right now. I am trusting God and His ultimate plan no matter the outcome!!

Buzzzz

My sister found an awesome deal on a lot of winter things for Syd @ a yard sale recently. It was a good call on the bee outift for Halloween ...she loves the wings & keeps asking me to put them back on & signing bug and saying zzzzz. Hopefully they will last until Holloween (I might have to hide them). =)

And the cycle begins

Well, I officially began my meds a few weeks ago for the sibling transfer on Wednesday, 9/19/12.  So hard to believe that I did all of this 2 years ago.  It is actually 2 years to the actual day that my protocol is set up for.  Sydney's transfer was on a Wednesday also, on 9/22/10.  All the meds and shots are such a faint memory and seem so unrelated to the fact that I have a daughter right now.  Weird how your brain chooses to forget the difficult parts after a while. ;o)  Although, this time around it has been like riding a bicycle.  I don't have to think very hard about each step and when to do what.  I just set my phone alarm, fill out my calendar for med changes, and do it when the alarm goes off.  The Lu.pron shots are such a piece of cake this time around after having the experience of 11ish weeks of PIO under my belt (haha, pun not intended).  I admit I am not looking forward to starting those again and neither is my shot administering husband. =)  One more week until then!

Now that I am busy with Sydney this time around, I haven't had much time to pay attention to the minor side effects.  I did notice the Lupron headaches though. =P  Everything has been flying by this time around!!  I went for my first u/s check last week, and I was cleared to take the E.strace.  I couldn't believe that my calendar at the time was telling me that it was time for the trip already!  I have to travel an hour and a half one way to my nearest fertility clinic.  So I was super grateful that my husband was off work to take care of Sydney.  His work hours are set up in a way that he is always off every other Friday... He is off both Fridays I have to travel for my u/s checks!!  I love how God works out the minor details like that!  This time around I took advantage of the little trip to a bigger city and did some shopping and just took some free time that I rarely have to myself.  I missed my girl terribly, but she has an awesome Daddy that does a great job caring for her and who she adores.  I just got a huge kick out of the texts and phone calls all day from him saying how he is finally eating lunch or can't seem to get dinner made or how he had no free time and that he was "exhausted"... hee hee.  He was playing it up quite a bit for the drama aspect, but nevertheless it was nice to have him experience the other side of things. ;o)

I am getting super excited for the transfer, but I keep reminding myself that I am not guaranteed to get pregnant the first time like I was so fortunate to last time.  We only have 3 embryos left and we chose to not have any back ups at this point due to the mediation process of open adoptions.  The embryologist said, "scientifically we have a 75% chance of 2 of 3 thawing well, but she sees God's hand in the sibling transfers all the time."  We will be only transferring two like last time, but we will see what happens.  I honestly am hoping for twins this time... crazy I know.  But that would make us a family of five and I would be content with so many blessings!  Although I am just grateful to be a mother to one!  Sydney so needs a sibling to grow up with and to learn and laugh together since she is such a people person.  She has so much fun with her cousins... it is fun to watch.

For the three transfer days of traveling and resting, Sydney will be staying home with my husband's sister and boys to take care of her.  It will be the first time I will be away from my girl for more than a day and first time leaving her overnight!!  I KNOW she is in good hands, but I am nervous she will get too fussy by the second or third day.  She has started another phase of separation anxiety lately.  I didn't know you could be so attached to your children, even when you are given the opportunity to "take a break", you still wish you were back with them.  We have been getting together with her aunt and cousins often the last few weeks so that she will be so comfortable and familiar with them around.

I am also worried if I do get pregnant again, will the baby have the same digestive issues as Sydney?  Thankfully she has outgrown most of it and life is pretty normal now, but those first 8 months or so were really tough!  And she was just my only... next time around I will have a two year old to work with also.  I have so much more respect for mothers these days!  I am just about back to normal eating myself due to my crazy breastfeeding diet before messing up my internal balance.  (But that is another post I need to do.)  I don't believe that I would be able to sacrifice that much for next one!  And I hate that because I don't want to give so much to my first and short-change the next...

But one step at a time I tell myself.  God is in control, and His plan is the best.  Right now I am just praying for peace and God's will no matter the outcome of this transfer.  He has abundantly blessed me already, and I am so underserving!