As far as her GI issues and eating, there has been some big changes lately. A few weeks before Christmas she "reacted" badly (meaning blood in her stool) to the chicken I tried to add to my diet. I had up to that point been unable to add anything successfully to my diet of the 6 safe things I was eating. Well, she took forever this time to settle down from it after I went back to eating "clean". I had finally reached my pre-pregnancy weight of 134 and was feeling the effects of no protein. I was eating a bag of potato chips every day in addition to a full avocado, 2-3 zucchinis, a half a bag of hash browns, 2-3 bananas, a can of pears, and homemade french fries, give or take a few variations of those things. I was getting to the point that I could tell my body had no more reserves left, and I felt weaker... especially since I had to rock (standing up swinging her back and forth with my arms and torso with a bouncing of the legs) my large baby to sleep 3-4 times a day.
I was dying to eat, but hating the thought of giving up breastfeeding. I never knew that breastfeeding was such an emotional thing! The very thought of giving it up would make me want to cry. The very thought of the battle to switch her over since she would not take a bottle scared me even more! (No bottle since 1 month old because of my thrush/yeast issues and couldn't pump and save to risk transfer back again. Also no pumping and saving due to not knowing if the milk was "safe" due to my diet and her reactions... Hard to label milk with what "ingredients" I was eating at the time not knowing how long a trial lingers in my milk... Also no pumping because of the oversupply issue... didn't want to over stimulate the balance we had finally reached.)
Well, like I said, those few weeks before Christmas I could tell that her system was not settling down despite me eating what used to be safe. I was concerned she was becoming sensitive to something else and there was NOTHING else I could remove from my diet. I kept feeling selfish for wanting to eat, but did not want to give it up! I know, crazy! I am known to be hard headed at times. I kept asking God what to do and trusting Him to keep us healthy despite my diet. But I truly believe that God kept giving me a discontent that it was time to switch her over to formula. I could not get that out of my head no matter how much I dismissed the idea. The quick way I explain it to everyone is the pros and cons list had flip flopped. Now that she was older and got her "jump start" (as one of my friends aptly phrased) the benefits of the formula were now outweighing breast feeding.
I decided to talk to her pediatrician again to see what she had to say again. She was shocked I was still breastfeeding with that limited diet. She thought for sure I would have been able to add lots of things by now. So did I! Her theory was her GI tract was not having enough time to heal completely before I tried something new despite the absence of blood on the tests at the time. The new food was irritating the areas and causing bleeding even though it was not an intolerable item for her. It was just so hard to give her weeks of no blood before trying something new! It was easy to eat limited when I would see the trial making her uncomfortable and the evidence in her diaper. But then when everything was fine again... I wanted to try something else of course in hopes that it would work!
Her ped also checked with a pediatric allergist to make sure it wasn't a true allergy that we were overlooking. He confirmed what we knew that she was too young and it was just a protein intolerance. He said that her system would be unable to mature quickly if it was always reacting to something. So with that in mind, the current reaction she was having, the knowledge that she was getting bigger and older and I couldn't eat enough to keep up with her and the older she got the harder the switch over would be and that she needed to start solids soon... I knew it was time to switch. That way it would also be easier to know when we tried a solid that it was that causing the symptoms and not something that "I" ate.
So I finally made the decision we had to switch and enjoyed the last few weeks of breastfeeding while I could. My husband was going to be off the week between Christmas and New Years so I knew that would be the best time to switch in case she wouldn't eat with me around. Also the fussy nights of no nursing would not interfere with his sleep for work. It was really hard to be on my diet at Christmas gatherings knowing that I would be able to eat soon but not yet...
We started with the Alimen.tum formula, made for protein intolerant babies. I kept my fingers crossed that it would work, otherwise we would have to go to prescription (read more EXPENSIVE) formula. For the weeks before that I knew we were switching, I pumped a bit trying to get her used to the bottle. She would try it, play around with it, figure it out, and then refuse to eat from it. She KNEW what to do, but didn't want to because she LOVED nursing from day one. I tried a bunch of different bottles, sippy cups, etc. I knew that she would drink from a real cup (i.e. Mommy's water glass) so I kept that in mind and bought some plastic kiddie cups, too.
We started the switch on December 26th. She was 2 days short of 6 months old. She nursed for the last time that morning @ 7 AM. I knew we had to go cold turkey due to the way the bottle trials had gone the few weeks before. Her stool tested positive for blood that morning as well. Let me just say that the formula smells and tastes horrible! She refused to drink it of course. It was so hard to not let her breastfeed when I knew that is what she was asking for. I kept telling myself that sometimes the best thing for my child is the hardest thing to do. She after a while would drink about an ounce or so from the little plastic cups, but never more than a sip from a bottle or sippy cup. She would just cry and moan to sleep every time it was time for a nap. Thankfully she was just used to me rocking her to sleep. Halfway through the day she started taking a pacifier again. (She had "outgrown" one back when she figured out the difference between "mommy" and the plastic.)
That night she was up every 1-2 hours, hungry of course. I would always offer some sort of bottle and then end it with feeding her from a cup. I kept thinking the whole time, "I can't feed her from a cup until she is one year old! This is messy and slow!" The one thing that made me feel better was she would always snuggle up with me to go back to sleep. No permanent grudges. HA! I hated what I had to do, but couldn't explain it to her. We both shed a lot of tears during this transition. She held out until about 6 PM the next evening. It was 36 hours from nursing last that she decided that a bottle would be better than sipping from a cup and realized that Mommy is not giving in. She decided that the Nu.k silicone "transitional" sippy cup/bottle was her favorite. To this day she will drink from other bottles/cups but they are not her favorite. I think it is because it comes out the fastest from the N.uk. Maybe it was because she was used to my overactive let down? Also, the faster to get the nasty stuff down the better! Ha! At least we are one step closer to a sippy cup, although she has no desire to hold her own bottle yet.
So over the last month and half we have been slowly finding a routine and schedule that fits. We started with a lot of small, frequent feedings since that is what she was used to from nursing. She just wouldn't drink much more than a few ounces at a time... probably because of the taste, too. After a lot of morphing and adjusting, we have finally figured out a great schedule that works and doesn't waste a lot of formula... she now drinks typically 6 oz at a time 4x a day and 4 oz after solids 2x a day. She is averaging 28-32 oz a day of formula. One 16 oz can lasts for four days...
I loved that for a while she wouldn't let anyone else feed her bottle to her but me. She was still used to me being her only source of food. It was the opposite from what I had read and was expecting with the transition. She now lets others feed her of course, but she still drinks more if I am giving it to her.
Her bloody stools cleared up the 3rd day on the formula, thankfully. The first one we tried worked. Her digestive system seemed to slowly settle down and her reflux was getting better. She started sleeping better and longer. I think that was a combination of the heaviness of the formula with her tummy feeling better. She would sleep well when my milk was "clean" and she was feeling good, so I noticed that the formula was also having that same positive effect on her.
I stayed on my diet for a few more days pumping just in case. Then I gradually decreased pumping for a week or more after that until it was not necessary any more. I had very minimal pain and engorgement that way even with the cold turkey weaning. I now have a deep freezer full of milk I plan to donate. About 1/4-1/2 of it is truly "liquid gold" or should I say platinum because it is dairy, soy, nut...well, everything but 6 things... free.
My mom asked if I wished I had switched her sooner. I can whole heartedly say, NO! As I look back, it already seems like forever since we weaned and that the time we had nursing was so short! The diet I was on was the hardest thing I have ever done self control wise, but it was the most rewarding. I would do it all over again for her! That nursing bond was so special, and I was grateful for the time we had together. I have also learned to not judge other moms if they use formula... you never know the history and reasons behind every thing. I miss nursing, a lot, and have fantasies of starting it up again and that she might be miraculously healed. I know better. I just hope maybe there will be another baby someday to nurse easily like a "normal mom". But hey, this whole experience from infertility to delivery to nursing was not the norm. But I am so grateful I got to experience it with her! I don't think I could love her any more. Reminds me of the verse:
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11
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| God really loves us! Well, of course he made the ultimate sacrifice for us. I can't imagine letting my child die for other's wrongs! What perfect LOVE! |
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